This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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