i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
