either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
