my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
