no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
