heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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