she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
