I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
