I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
