You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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