She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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