I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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