So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
