Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
