god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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