I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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