saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We don't watch enough power rangers
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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