Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
