She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
