how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
