So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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