i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize