I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
