I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
