im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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