They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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