The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
