Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
