I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
