At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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