Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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