K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
MIDGETS
????
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
