I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
