I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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