i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
