Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
