brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
