Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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