Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
