she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
