I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
