The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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