u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
