I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
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oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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