I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
