I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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