Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
