What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
