did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's just like the Real World with babies
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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