The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Green mimosas i think yes
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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