Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
