Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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