Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
