i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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