You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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