you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
