So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
