Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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