I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
