You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
try to milk me bitch
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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