thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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