I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize