eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
