It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
