I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
