Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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