I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
