you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
