filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize