just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
