I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
