Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
