I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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