i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
