why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
