Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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