Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
