i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
