im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
