i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
