my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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